“2001, I was sitting a at a stop light. All of a sudden, I heard screeching tires and looked in my rear view mirror just in time to brace my hands on the steering wheel for impact. A 19 year old kid playing with his radio rear ended me doing 35 mph. Ouch. I did the normal routine of getting an x-ray, MRI, exam, etc. At the time I was working on Siesta Key at a great little resort, my high school sweetie/hubby and I owned our home, and we had a beautiful little girl named Alexis, who was 4 at the time. My husband was the finance director at dealership, and we loved going on cruises! (As a matter of fact we got married on a cruise ship!!)
Life was good. Pain was bad. We both went to the “pain management” doctor to see what we could do to “manage” our pain… [My husband] was prescribed pills right from the start. I chose to do the massage therapy, acupuncture and cortisone shots instead. After about a year, when my methods stopped being quite as effective, I asked him for one of his pills. I remember the day clearly. I was a wedding coordinator at the resort and had a HUGE wedding coming up that weekend, and still had TONS of “to-do’s” that were yet to be checked off. Not even thinking twice, I broke the pill in half, took half that morning and away I went. (Who has time to be in pain when you have a Bridezilla and her Mother to deal with right?!)
By noon I felt like Superwoman. No pain, no numb leg, no worries! By 5:00 I was starting to hurt, then I remembered I had the other half of the pill in my pocket! I was able to finish my day with NO pain, TONS of energy, picked my daughter up from my Mom’s house, went grocery shopping, cooked dinner and by 9pm I still felt great! All from ONE little pill…
This went on for months, and eventually I was able to get my own prescription for the same medications. I felt invincible. I could do it ALL and not feel the pain caused from that accident. Time went on. My husband went from Finance Director and changed fields to become a Realtor. Landed his first job selling million dollar homes. More vacations, more nice things, bigger house, nicer cars, boats, we had it all. In our eyes, we were living “The Dream”…What we didn’t realize, or maybe we weren’t ready to admit, is that our dependency on these pills had now become an addiction. Tolerance levels went up. [We] had to have more. So we went to another doctor to get more. Simple, right? Yes. But also very illegal.
Fast forward to 2008, I got pregnant with my now 6 year old son, Anthony. Still addicted to opiates. My beautiful little boy was born addicted as well. Of course, DCF stepped in and took him from me. I was so far gone in my addiction that I didn’t even WANT help. I felt like a piece of trash, that baby boy deserved better. And I couldn’t give him the life he deserved because of my addiction. Oh, did I mention my daughter was placed with my mother about a year prior to my son being born BECAUSE of my addiction? I couldn’t even stay clean long enough to complete my case plan. I had given up on life, I had no hope. Plenty of money, but NO HOPE. I had stopped going to church, my faith was at an all time low, right along with my self esteem. I didn’t have my kids, So what was the point of trying to get clean???
Then it happened…..July 29, 2010…I woke up to the sun shining in my bedroom window, wiggled myself out of my hubby’s arms (he loved to snuggle!) got up to get a drink and when I walked back into my bedroom and looked at my husband, he was dead. Gone. I felt light headed and woozy. I think I screamed for his cousin (who lived with us at the time) and I don’t remember much else that day other than me begging the coroner to let him stay with me… I started bargaining with God, if he would just let Mark breathe I PROMISED to not touch another pill ever again, I had already lost my 2 babies, but now I lost the man I had been with for the last 22 YEARS of my life, my soulmate, my BEST FRIEND, my rock. Gone in a flash.
So tragedies like this would normally make someone open their eyes and see the light, right? Nope. Now I REALLY had nothing to live for. I tried to overdose many times after that horrific day. Every time I would write a goodbye letter to my kids, my family and then when I would wake up ALIVE the next morning I couldn’t believe it. GODS GOT JOKES!!!! I was supposed to die too..But I didn’t. I went to rehab after getting caught for doctor shopping. The Judge had mercy on me, since I had never been in ANY trouble before, he sentenced me to The Salvation Army rehab and 2 years probation. [I] completed rehab successfully, and the tools I learned there changed me for the better. But with only ONE MONTH left of probation, I violated by taking prescription pain pills for a dental issue. So I was sentenced to Drug Court. Fast forward to me getting pregnant while in drug court…